Dear portly, middle-aged boogie boarding lady,

Thank you for allowing me and my wife to share a pleasantly unexpected, and entirely special laugh at your expense. Your exuberance was admirable, but ultimately foolhardy.

Surely, you knew that “taming the waves” with a flimsy foam cracker showed a lapse in judgment, no? Your demise was sudden, yet brilliant.

A lack of sure footing, a forceful rip tide, and a merciless violent surf converged on your pasty white knees and buckled you like a soggy mattress—cascading you up the sand with arms flailing and nether regions leading the charge.

Thank you my dear. Thank you for not shying away from your embarrassing and inevitable end. And thank you for making my wife laugh heartily with guilty pleasure—head lowered in shame and shoulders shaking violently.

May your next boogie outing be more triumphant.

Sincerely,

The unrepentant onlookers at Napili